Oh look, trees. Rocks. Dirt. Farmers. How much less exciting could this place be? Exactly how is coming here helping my promotion path?

Day Two

Sam said something about a meteor shower tonight. Anything's better than talking to a bunch of dirt lovers. I think Space Monkey wants to "watch" it with me. Moron. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day Three

Daniel found some sort of cave. Oh joy. A cave! I mean, if you're going to look at stuff, can't you do it somewhere clean, dry, and light?

Still not a general.

Day Four

That Laira women tried to hit on me last night. What a tramp. Sam will kill her if she tries anything.

later

Sent Sam and Daniel back to the SGC to figure out why those meteors were so close.

Day Five

Apparently the meteors are going to be very close. Stupid farmers don't want to leave.

later

Trapped in a cave with Laira and her kid. Apparently he was doing a little earth moving of his own, and so didn't notice the meteors landing all around. Laira is trying to get me to hold her. What planet is she from again? Oh yeah, this one.

Day Six

The Stargate has vanished. Aren't those things supposed to be indestructible? How on earth am I going to make general now?

Day Eight

Digging everywhere for the Stargate, but no luck at all. How do you hide a twenty foot high lump of metal that sounds like a giant toilet?

Day Twelve

That tramp Laira grabbed my ass today. I'm sure she's flashed me a couple of times as well. Do you think she'll ever get the hint I'm not interested?

Day Fifteen

Still no sign of the 'gate. Don't think I'm ever going to find it. Never going to see those stars on my collar now.

Day Twenty-nine

I don't think I'm ever going to find the 'gate. I'm never going to make general. What's the point in living?

Day Thirty

Decided to work on my manly physique, instead. Wish there were more interesting types around than Laira to impress, particularly some blonde physicists.

Haven't shaved in a while. Wonder how the stubble looks? Don't these idiots have mirrors?

Day Thirty-nine

It's a struggle keeping the stubble at the right length, but I manage. Helping out around the farm is improving my musculature though, and I'm tanning up nicely. You forget the simple things like tanning when you live under a mountain for three years.

Day Fifty

Laira makes an attentive audience, I'll give her that. Came back for dinner after working up a good sweat and she just about threw herself on me. She flashed me again after dinner. Boy, does she have it bad.

Day Seventy-Five

I could live with being a farmer. It's not exactly thrilling, and I miss killing the odd Jaffa, but I'm definitely the best looking guy on the planet!

Day Ninety

Laira tried to jump me again. Lucky I've got level 4 hand to hand skills. That woman was an octopus in heat!

Day Ninety-eight

One of the farmers here makes some potent moonshine. He wants to drink some with me tonight.

Day Ninety-nine

Ugh. Head hurts. Can't think. Holy Buckets! I'm in bed with that tramp! What the hell happened?

later

Teal'c! Buddy! Somehow he came through the 'gate. Helped dig him out. Never hugged anyone so much in my life. He was a bit put off though. I think he's jealous of my physique.

Day One hundred

All the villagers back. Get to go home. Looking forward to bossing Space Monkey around again. Sam looked pissed off. No idea why. All I did was tell Laira that she was a tramp, and I hoped I'd never see her again as long as I lived.

Just realized, I can still make general! Woohooo!!