Dipsy Returns

This is something of a sequel to The Importance of Being Dipsy.  While it's not necessary to read that first, this fic will probably make more sense if you do!

It just wasn’t fair. Here he was, first mission back on SG-1, and he was sitting in a Goa’uld prison cell. It didn’t matter that the cell was decorated in lovely shades of whatever the latest in Goa’uld interior decorating styles was, nor that it wasn’t really his first mission back on SG-1 -- Jack was just giving him a trial run to get back into the swing of things. But they had been captured, and it was his fault.

“Damn it, Dipsy!” And that was another question -- did Jack *have* to keep calling him ‘Dipsy’? Was he never going to let him live that down? “I told you before we went through the ‘gate, just hang back and let us do all the talking. You’re just not used to this stuff at the moment. This is one thing I definitely didn’t miss while you were off on your glow-job!” Jack was pacing the cell from one side to another wearing a veritable hole in the faux marble flooring.

“It’s not like I did it deliberately Jack. It was just the excitement of seeing such a perfectly preserved Greek temple.”

“Well it wasn’t preserved, was it? It looked good because some damn Goold was still using it!”

He knew Jack was right. As soon as the ‘gate had closed, he’d rushed among the Doric columns, not being able to wait to read the inscriptions. And then all of a sudden they'd been surrounded by Jaffa. The fact that they were dressed in pastels, rather than the usual metal armour, didn’t alter the fact that they were carrying staff weapons, and that SG-1 was outnumbered at least five to one.

So here they were, in a Goa’uld cell, trying to work out what would happen next. Teal’c sat stoically in one corner, doing some sort of Kel’no’reem thing. Jonas was trying to stay out of Jack’s way, and his way too from what he could see. He still hadn’t forgiven the little bugger for taking all his stuff. Sam sat in the other corner, knees drawn up to her chin, watching silently as Jack paced backwards and forwards. He looked at her closely. Was it just him, or was she paying a *lot* more attention to the times when Jack was walking away from her?

A Jaffa arrived outside the cell, distracting him from his line of thought. This guy was dressed in a strange red colour.

“I am Magenta’c. You are prisoners of the great and infamous Zeus.” Well it sounded like he said Zeus, but there was something strange in the inflection he used. “Teal’c. Your presence here is most welcome. Long have we awaited a Jaffa able to wear that shade of blue-green! Will you join our cause?”

“Indeed, I will not! My cause is with the Tau’ri, and I will die for them. I will no longer serve any false god! I will see my people free. They will not be enslaved. I dream a dream, where no Jaffa will ever serve a Goa’uld, and we shall be free to make our own decisions.” Hmm. Teal’c had been working on his speeches.

“That is unfortunate, but no matter. I did not come here seeking you.” He turned and pointed at Jonas. “You, young one. Come with me.”

Jack immediately jumped forward. “No. You can’t take him, I won’t let you. Take me instead!”

“Bother me not, aged one. I seek only the most virile among you. You obviously do not fit that category.”

“What?!”

“He’s right, Colonel.” Sam finally spoke from where she was sitting.

“He’s *right*? And how *exactly* would you know that?” Sam blushed and looked down, but before Jack could start interrogating her, he was interrupted.

“Jaffa, kree! Take him!”

Two more Jaffa, one dressed in lilac and the other in saffron, opened the door to the cell and dragged Jonas out. Magenta’c stayed outside, keeping the other two Jaffa covered. All three left, escorting Jonas from the cell area. Sam spoke up as soon as they were out of sight, trying to distract Jack’s attention from her earlier remark.

“Teal’c, did you notice anything strange about those Jaffa?”

“You mean apart from the fact that they look like some sort of bizarre fashion show, *Major*?” Uh oh, Jack only called Sam ‘Major’ when he was really upset. Teal’c, fortunately, ignored him.

“I did Major Carter. They are not true Jaffa.”

“That’s what I thought. I couldn’t sense the presence of a symbiote.”

“So how does this help? We’re still locked in this cell, and they’ve still got lots of Goold weapons. Isn't exactly useful, is it?”

“Well no, Sir. But it’s information that may become useful later on.” She turned and looked across the room. “Daniel, did you have time to see anything unusual in the writings in the temple?”

“Not really. They were all going on about the power of Zeus, the infamy of Zeus. Same old, same old.” He thought for a second. “But there was one strange thing. The way Zeus was written isn't the way I have seen it in most standard Greek texts. There was something different about the way this was written. I noticed it again just now when Magenta’c said the word. It sounds like Zeus, but I don’t think that’s the true word.”

“And how does *that* help us Dipsy-boy?”

“Shut up Jack. And will you cut it out with the ‘Dipsy’ thing?”

He just smirked. Bastard!

“Night would appear to be falling, O’Neill.”

“And how do you know that, T?” He wished Jack would shut up. He could be such an ass at times.

“The setting sun is visible though this large window.”

“Oh.”

* * *

The night dragged on. Sam remained in her corner, trying to be as small as possible. Jack got as far away from her as he could, but frequently sent murderous looks in her direction. Teal’c just sat. Of course that left him with only the floor on which to get comfortable. Well that was just great!

Daylight had returned by the time Jonas was brought back, thrown into the cell by two Jaffa wearing pale shades of blue. He immediately dropped into a deep sleep, not even moving from where he fell, merely mumbling something about being exhausted. Sam and Teal’c leapt up to see if he was okay.

“He appears to be suffering no physical injuries, O’Neill.”

“Well I guess that’s a relief.”

“Sir, for all we know he could have been tortured or killed, and then revived in a sarcophagus.”

“Nope. It doesn’t make you that tired. At least it didn’t for me. But then perhaps he’s not as ‘virile’ as he looks.” He glared in her direction. Oh great. Jack was still pissed off with Sam, and now he was acting like a spoiled brat. Could this day *get* any worse?

* * *

The day dragged past. Some of the pseudo-Jaffa came back and delivered food, but nothing else happened until the evening. Jack spent the time using his plastic jell-o spoon to try and scratch away whatever was holding the window in place. He didn’t get far. Apparently his standard escape techniques for prisons on earth didn’t apply so well when on Goa’uld occupied planets.

Teal’c and Sam kept an eye on Jonas – Sam rather a close eye for some reason, although she tried to make sure that she only looked at Jonas when she was sure that Jack wasn’t looking at her. Obviously a few things had changed since he’d been away. Jonas simply slept. Boy did he hate that little prick!

As night fell, Magenta’c came back, and they dragged Jonas away, kicking and screaming.

“Please don’t let them take me! I don't think I can endure any more! It’s too much, even for me!”

Although he hated Jonas for apparently getting something during his short time on earth that he had never been able to get, he still felt sorry for him. Whatever he was experiencing was obviously not pleasant.

The tension in the cell that night remained high – especially between Sam and Jack. He’d never known them to be this antagonistic towards each other for such an extended period. Okay, maybe during that thing with the NID stealing technology, but that was it. Apparently Jack’s feelings really haven’t changed all that much over the years, although it looked as though that may not have been true for Sam.

The next morning, there was no sign of Jonas.

* * *

If anything, the tension in the cell escalated during the course of the day. Sam was obviously anxious about where Jonas was; and Jack, while concerned about a team member, was getting very hot under the collar about the fact that Sam was so worried. Not a pleasant situation. Eventually, in the late afternoon, Jonas came back to the cell, this time escorted by Jaffa, not dragged by them. He looked completely worn out.

“Guys, I’m not going to be coming back with you.”

“What? Why not?” Sam was the first to ask the question they were all thinking.

“Well, I’ve decided that I want to stay here with Zeus.”

“Are you okay, Jonas? Is that really you?” Even Jack was wondering where he was coming from at this point.

“I’m fine, Colonel. Zeus is not a true Goa’uld. She just uses the technology and masquerades as a Goa’uld to protect her people. There aren’t any symbiotes anywhere.”

“She?” He said, before anyone else could respond. “Zeus is a she?”

Jonas turned an interesting shade of red. “Um, yeah.”

“Jonas, exactly why are you staying?” Jack again. But the question was obviously embarrassing as Jonas began to blush even harder.

“It’s my decision, Colonel. This is a wonderful opportunity. We all know that Dipsy is going to be back on SG-1, and where will that leave me? Sitting around in a small room waiting for someone to stop by?” Dammit, now even Jonas was calling him ‘Dipsy’!

“But *I’ll* miss you, Jonas.” If looks could kill, then the one that Jack was currently giving Sam would have been enough to put paid to an entire legion of Jaffa.

“I’ll miss you too Sam, but I really need to stay. Zeus needs me.”

“But what about your bananas –“

“Carter, a word!” Before she could respond, Jack dragged her over to the corner and they began a heated, although whispered, discussion. Jack was gesticulating furiously, and Sam was both embarrassed and annoyed, arguing back heatedly. It was hard to make out what they were saying exactly, he’d have to check that with Teal’c later, but he was sure that he heard “banana” mentioned several times, along with “relationship”, “you’re kidding”, “what about us”, and, finally, “bigger”. Eventually Sam threw her arms around Jack’s neck, her legs around his waist, and started kissing him in a way that typically only led to one thing.

“Get a room, guys! Are you trying to make me sick?” This was just disgusting. And here he was thinking that Sam had finally moved on from Jack, and with Jonas gone he’d actually have some sort of a chance with her! Apparently his words had little effect as they both collapsed onto the cell floor, completely disinterested in anything else happening around them. Crap! He turned and looked at Jonas.

“Well it seems like you’re not going to be missed all that much, Jonas.” He didn’t bother to hide the evil smirk on his face.

He took the moral high rode, little prick. “Now that I am staying with Zeus, you are free to go. These Jaffa will escort you to the ‘gate. Now, my lover … er, mistress, awaits. I must go.” Jonas staggered away.

He turned again to the couple now attempting to tear the clothes off each other. “Guys, we can go now. I’m really seeing *way* more than I would ever be interested in. Jack? Sam? Break it up will you.” This wasn’t working. “Teal’c, we somehow need to let them know we can leave.”

“Indeed.” And doing what only he could get away with, Teal'c picked up a jug of water that had been sitting in the cell, and dumped it over them. As he looked at a now drenched Sam and Jack, he had to suppress a snigger.

“Teal’c, what the *hell* do you think you’re doing?” Jack tried to pay attention to Teal’c, but was obviously distracted by the now very wet T-shirt that Sam was wearing. Hell, *he* was distracted by Sam’s T-shirt!

“We can leave, Jack. Jonas is staying.” He rolled his eyes as Jack tried again to look away!

“Oh. Right. Um, we’ll finish this conversation later, Carter?”

“Oh yes, Sir. Absolutely, Sir!” She flashed a *huge* smile at him. Oh good grief!

As they walked up the stairs to the now open ‘gate, it suddenly occurred to him where his translation had gone wrong. The name wasn’t Zeus, it was Suz ….

~END~ 

Thanks for reading.  I’m always looking for ways to improve my writing.  Please let me know what you think!

Copyright © 2003 Robert Holland - rob@chiroho.net